There remains the question of whether spanking is a sickness, notwithstanding the discussion above. This has two components:
1) is spanking itself sick? and
2) are spanking desires (or actions) a form of sexual addiction?
I discuss the second question on a later page, at Sexual Addiction. Here I answer the first question.
Most if not all of us -- we people for whom spanking is central to our sexuality -- had years of thinking there was something wrong with us; many of us still have lapses into that way of thought.
By way of theoretical introduction, different cultures define “sickness” differently (both informally and formally); for instance, Chinese psychiatrists are just now changing their official opinion and no longer diagnose homosexuality as an illness. It’s entirely to be expected that different people even within the same culture might view the same behavior or desires differently (one person seeing them as sick, the other as not sick). The medical anthropologists talk about this a lot. See Tristram Engelhardt, Jr.'s Foundations of Bioethics (1996) for one of the best descriptions of this phenomenon (he's a medical ethicist, not an anthropologist, but he draws on anthropological research in his discussion).
Now, on to spanking as a sickness. Within the context of sexuality, I would define “sickness” as conduct that jeopardizes the welfare of others or that substantially reduces your own ability to function. So, for instance, pedophilia (a desire to be sexual with children), when acted out, is sick; it hurts kids. Similarly, sexual desires that keep you from attaining your potential, whether that is as a student or employee or wife or mother, are harmful. Notice that the behavior is not judged on the basis of what it is, or on the basis of some expert’s informed opinion (even the experts have genitals and hormones), but on who you are and how you live apart from being a lover of spankings.
I should add, some people believe that sexuality is perverted if it focuses on something other than intercourse, but that it’s OK to have some spanking play thrown in so long as it doesn’t (depending on the author) take away from the Main Event, or completely replace the Main Event. I disagree. Maybe spanking IS the main event for you, and you don't care if you do anything else sexual or not. If it works for you sexually, and if you are holding down a good job and successfully achieving and maintaining intimate personal relationships, then in my opinion your desires and behavior are not sick.
Question: what treatment is available?
You will always be a spanko, and that will never change. You can view that as a gift, as better than some of the alternatives (there are some sexualities that are very destructive), or as just who you are.
In my opinion, treatment cannot change your sexual desires and preferences. I also doubt very much that it will explain how you got that way either. But therapy can be invaluable in other ways. Working with a therapist will help you learn how better to integrate your spanko sexuality into your life as a whole if that’s a problem for you.
Some counselors can’t cope with spankos, others have no problem, and still others are spankos themselves, of course! If you end up looking for counseling find someone with whom you have good chemistry.
The most effective way to come to terms with your sexuality and learn how to celebrate it (as well as cope with some of the complications and interpersonal perplexities involved) is to join the cause. I've found a way to reach out to people who need help. You can join online chat groups and be a positive presence there; maybe you can help others, especially the newcomers, in other ways.
Question: How can I know that wanting to be spanked really hard, wanting to feel such pain, isn’t bad?
My first response is to refer to what I said above . . . if it doesn’t keep you from working or otherwise contributing to society, if it doesn’t keep you from being a loving person, it doesn’t matter if you attain sexual fulfillment through having your rear end blistered or from having a man insert his organ in your organ and you both wiggling around for a while. Tell me why one is more right than the other, or more dignified for that matter (neither one is dignified, but it doesn’t matter).
My second response is to say simply that just as you want to be spanked, so do I want to give long, hard spankings to a woman who desires them. I love to see my spankee writhe over my lap, watch her bottom turn red under my blows, hear her beg me to stop and howl with pain. So just as you desire to be spanked, I desire to spank. Surely this symmetry of our desires is a powerful affirmation. It just feels right.