The phrase “over the top” has two meanings.
It can be a good thing, as when there is an amazing amount of something that you like. An over the top orgasm, where you see rainbows and feel pleasure like you’ve never felt before. This is not the usual meaning.
But more often, over the top means the activity has gone beyond where things should be and on to someplace excessive. Some spankings are over the top in one way or another, and I don’t mean in a good way. There is just too . . . much . . . spanking.
I’m not referring to brutal attacks. If you were hit by a 2x4 and your coccyx was broken, that’s not a spanking over the top; that is an assault.
I am talking about spankings that seemed like a good idea at the time, which usually means that both parties consented to the spanking at least in theory, but things went wrong. Sometimes one person considers the spanking a success and the other person does not; sometimes both agree that it was unsuccessful.
This is an important phenomenon, for several reasons.
First and foremost, we don’t want to go there! Nobody that I know wants to be part of a spanking in which someone feels they have been violated in one way or another, whether by too harsh a punishment or in any other way. Sometimes the person who was spanked is fine with the experience but the top freaks out. These spanking stories can help us learn about what happens when things go too far.
Second, the descriptions are often erotic. I say “often” because the eroticism, for me, depends on the specifics of the spanking. I find stories about mild spankings boring; I find brutal spankings repulsive. There is a middle ground that we spend most of our time in, and it’s wonderful, but toward the more-intense end where consensuality becomes strained it gets very exciting until the moment it suddenly gets scary and no good.
A spanking can be over the top for the bottom—this isn’t what she wanted in one way or another. It can also be over the top for the top. Most often this is because what he’s done is frightening to him, he worries that he’s become some kind of monster, even if the bottom is happy with everything that happened.
If you spend time pushing limits you are likely to encounter an over the top spanking. I’ve had a couple myself where someone else felt that I pushed too hard. The amazing thing is this is *not* from the severe spankings I’ve administered.
The first time was when at age 12 I spanked my cousin. She and I loved it, but the adults got into an uproar (see My Delurk). The spanking was exciting, but my mother’s reaction was one of the most horrible experiences of my childhood.
The second major event was when I was an active contributor to an online spanking discussion group, ASS. I initiated a discussion of spanking without safewords and I got flamed and was mortified. It’s not that I went too far in reality; I have never met Lori, the woman who objected to my no-safeword comments. The point (for me at least) is how badly I felt when I was accused of being a scary sadist, even just online . . . see No Safewords.
I’m including links to a couple of other over-the-top spankings or spanking descriptions as well. One is from Bonnie, a blogger, describing a time she safeworded when being spanked by her husband. Another is from Kit, describing a memorable paddling. The third is from a former sorority member explaining how thoroughly they warmed their pledges’ bottoms. The last is from a so-called letter to the editor in a spanking magazine.
Every spanking occurs in the context of a relationship. A spanking is an emotional experience as well as a physical one, and our emotions color the physical sensations. Further, a spanking may be wonderful one partner and awful for the other. Couples with strong ties to each other can navigate these difficult spankings successfully; for a classic example, see Stroke of the Cane, in which Steph gave me an over-the-top punishment.