Most people who love spanking learn in childhood that this is a forbidden desire. People may joke about spankings; they may give and receive spankings; but to consider spankings as special, exciting, or wonderful, could mark you as Different.
I have some thoughts about this at Is Spanking a Sickness, but there is much more to be said.
This web site will help you move from believing you are sick to seeing yourself as having a desire that is not uncommon and that can be fulfilled without damaging the rest of your life.
People who have the most conventional sexual desires struggle with them during adolescence. Learning that (almost) everyone has these desires helps permit the integration of sexuality into one's personality and life. Those whose wishes are less conventional face a greater challenge.
Many forms of sexuality are disfavored by society.
As an extreme example, if the height of eroticism for you is sex with a child, your only viable choice is to keep that desire securely locked within you, and do your best to find alternative ways to be sexual while hiding what it is that you want most. If you express your forbidden desire, even by only downloading child pornography from the internet, you face real life catastrophe.
The desire to spank someone, and hurt them, or to be spanked and to be hurt, is similarly disfavored. Many, perhaps most, of the people who grow up with an erotic fascination for spanking struggle to understand its meaning and integrate it into their lives.
For many, that desire is locked away. If you are in this group, you know what I mean. You are thrilled to hear spankings mentioned on TV or in casual conversations, but real spankings play no part in your sexuality; except, perhaps, when you near climax, you push yourself over the edge by imagining that instead of being in the thralls of intercourse, you are suddenly part of an exciting spanking scene.
Others, like myself, began by keeping this desire hidden, but over time found ways to express it, perhaps beginning with some casual spanking. Education can be part of this journey, as one learns more through reading or viewing spanking erotica or educational web sites.
You can read about my own journey in About Me and in particular in My Delurk. But there are so many journeys, and I am going to post others here so that we can learn from each other.
The first narrative here is from Hannah . . . Hannah, I Am Not a Nun