I was raised in a fairly strict Christian home, and my father was definitely head of the household. You didn't argue with him when his mind was made up. He made the rules and I obeyed them; I was a pretty darn good girl because my final parental spanking was when I was 10. My daddy was my hero and in my high school years I wanted to grow up and marry a man just like him. Strong, firm ... Dominant. Well ..... let's just say soon after high school graduation and college began, I lost some of my innocence and began to rebel against my over protective parents. To make a long story short, I fought with them for years and at 21 I met the man who was to become my husband. Remember how I wanted to marry my Daddy when I was younger? I married the complete opposite ... out of spite, I believe now.
My husband is a wonderful, wonderful man, but he is not the *man* I needed him to be. My husband is quiet and meek. He looks to me for guidance. I am the dominant personality in our marriage. I am the dominant parent to our children. I didn't marry my father's type; I became my father's clone in order to sustain my family. I was pretty damn miserable deep inside. No one else would have understood though; I had a man who loved me dearly and would do anything for me ... but the only thing he couldn't do was stand up to me. God, how I longed for a man who'd put me in my place and be willing to tell me NO once in a while.
A few more years passed and I continued my private fantasies about spanking and sought spanking scenes and stories in books. Then I got the internet and some privacy. Whoa!!! I found a whole world devoted to this secret fantasy of mine. I was like a kid in the candy store; I didn't know what I wanted to read or see first. Then I discovered this lifestyle called D/s and the whole BDSM scene. I read, and I read, and I read. Everyday I would sneak away and learn more from what I read. I joined some websites and read more. I felt secretly guilty and extremely ashamed. This interest was my horrible secret; at the time I never wanted anyone to know about it, especially my husband. How could I ever explain to that timid man I wanted to be spanked and controlled?
Now, to make a long story pretty short because the details aren't extremely relevant: I discovered that I wasn't the only person with secrets to hide about the internet. My husband was having an internet affair. It was damaging to our relationship in the beginning, but eventually it opened the doors for honest communication between us. He disclosed that he wanted more than just me as a sexual partner, altho he never wanted to lose me as his wife. I told him I wanted more in a man that what he was providing. We reached an agreement: Polyamory. He's allowed a girlfriend and I am allowed a Dom.
(continued...)