So I signed on for the first time to your site and decided to read, first of all, Teen Guide to Spanking. It sounded like the "doctor" was advocating it (I still think you might want to change the title -- it sounds like a "How to" Guide).What I read, of course, completely reversed the journey I thought I was on. I discovered a piece written to guide teenagers through a difficult process, like coming out as a gay person; it was simply stated, sensible, sensitive, and intelligent. That it lacked medical jargon did not make me discount the author's professional credentials; it actually added to them. It also probably said a lot of things I needed to hear -- about whether spanking is "sexist" or "freakish" for example. I figure I am basically a teenager in the world of spanking.
But the piece said something else that resonated very deeply with me, and something that you also said in an e-mail -- that the best place to get help for this issue is with therapists that work with the gay and lesbian communities. I actually brought up my spanking desires in a therapy session once, very early on in a relationship with an otherwise good but very tucked up female therapist. I wondered if there was any connection between these desires and fantasies and other aspects of our marriage -- how I reacted when E. got angry, whether I actually baited these episodes, my choice of him as a partner in the first place etc. She just looked at me and said, "That must have taken a lot of courage on your part to tell me that." That was it, no discussion, no connection to the main issues -- just the remark. I had clearly overwhelmed her, possibly touched a nerve in her, and we never discussed it again.
On the other hand, one of my very best friends in life -- a childhood friend -- died of AIDS many years ago. It was and still is a great loss for me. B. was a clinical psychologist who worked mostly with alcoholics but dealt with all kinds of issues as well, including those relating to the gay community. I loved him deeply and especially loved talking to him. He was totally unshockable -- I could tell him absolutely anything about myself, my most hidden feelings, my vindictive, hateful thoughts, and he would just say, "Of course you feel that way. That makes sense." He had lived quite the expansive sexual lifestyle in NY in the 1970- 80's and had probably experienced just about every form of sexual expression known to man -- he affirmed most all of it. When we talked about it, he told me that "gays are much more open and accepting of diverse sexual experiences" and when I asked him "like what" he said, "like spanking." That should have been my opening, but it wasn't. What was wrong with me?