So your endorsement of the gay community as a place to get help resurrected B. for me and legitimized you, all at the same time. So I next visited "About Me." I felt compassion for your struggle with this issue in your marriage. I don't think that could have been easy -- in fact, that was undoubtedly an extremely difficult period for your entire family after 23 years of marriage. I liked the way you wrote about your ex-wife and children, and suddenly the sadist on Sandy's sound file had, if not a face, a character. He suddenly really did not seem sadistic, in the ordinary, colloquial sense of the word. The sadistic quality seemed integrated into a fully functioning human being, with normal emotions, high intelligence and an unusual degree of self-awareness. I think the most important thing about your site for me, and maybe for others along this same journey, is your candor in revealing your own struggle to integrate your desires to hurt with your desire to be a good person.
In short, it was, for me, life changing to know that it is possible to integrate to such seemingly contradictory impulses, since I have them in spades -- the desire to be brave, fearless and strong and the desire to be dominated, taken over, tamed -- the desire to be loved tenderly and hurt mercilessly, at the same time. I had not even thought about spanking on this level. I had kept it safely in a fantasy realm, locked away from the rest of my being, compartmentalized in its own world to be trotted out privately to my organs during sexual moments, and then put back in its box. I had never thought about its relationship to the rest of me.
I think that is the main work that your site did for me. Your delurking piece was the center point for this discovery, and was extraordinarily brave and articulate. I can't thank you enough for that. I admire people like you and the women you have posted who have been so much more honest with themselves on this level, who let themselves experience what they need, who do not endlessly self-critique, over-think, let intellect stand in the way of desire. These are my issues.