I asked Sarah if she would spank me harder; she hesitated; and I wrote her this note:
You're conscientious, Sarah; you're careful; those are good qualities, of course. You are eager to spank anybody so it hurts, and willing to spank me so it hurts a lot. But you are reluctant to paddle me so it hurts unbearably. You've gotten close, but you back off when the opportunity is there. I can feel it when you give me one or two hard whacks and those are followed by milder blows.
I don’t know what’s going on in your heart, but I have a theory that there are two factors that hold you back. The first is your fine-tuned awareness of your spankee's state of mind; you would not ordinarily dream of pushing anyone into the realm of suffering that I propose. Well, maybe you would dream about it, but you wouldn't do it. There are people who spank that way, but you and I haven't had a lot of contact with them. Going to this level is breaking a taboo in "safe sane and consensual" circles.
You yourself have been spanked hard (just once, as I recall) and didn’t enjoy it, and now you've learned that you enjoy milder spankings much more. "Less is more" is sometimes as true in spanking as it is in architecture. It's all reasonable.
The second factor holding you back may be a simple desire not to have a bad scene with me and alienate me or make me upset. We are having so much fun, why make me angry or resentful or disappointed? Why take a chance on spoiling it?
I want to work with you to give your inner sadist freer reign. Who knows, perhaps for a moment she could be utterly satisfied. I don't know if that's possible but we are getting closer and I love the process. I want us to discover levels of agony that you have dreamed about but that you never imagined you could inflict in real life.
Of course I respect your instincts toward moderation, and I'm enjoying our relationship as much as you are and don't want to create problems.
But I want more. I want to push into a deeper level of pain. I want to see what happens when my suffering moves from challenging to unbearable. Someone watching would describe it as brutal or heartless, especially when they hear my howl. We both know what comes next: I immediately babble, "I take it all back! I don't want to be paddled!! No, babe, please no more, that's too hard!!"
It’s scary, maybe, but it’s not as high risk as it seems. We don't have to move directly to the prolonged incoherent screaming stage; we can do it in steps. Exploring these new territories will keep our relationship fresh.
This first session doesn't have to have be prolonged but it will be intense and memorable, and my memories will include screaming. Would you like to come with me and find what flowers grow along this path?
Doc
She replied --
I want to push the edges of the envelope with you, my sexy spanktoy.
Sarah