My (belted) ass
Steph wrote me this note after the first time she spanked me, in November 2007 . . .
Dear Doc--
I am in bed thinking about and trying to put into words my thoughts about part of last weekend. I just checked my bottom in the mirror because it still feels swollen and sore. The thing I am thinking about tonight though is your bottom and spanking you…..
When you asked me in the car how I would feel about spanking someone myself, I immediately felt that you were going to ask me if I wanted to spank you, and I was a little shocked. My curiosity rose quickly. I had thought about spanking you in a very unserious, passing way before and never would have raised the topic myself. I have been slightly curious, but am now ~very~ curious about spanking. And I can’t think of anyone I would rather ~try~ to spank than you.
I am very happy we gave it a try. I am grateful you let me experiment on your bottom. I really enjoyed it, I will tell you why…..
I like seeing you in such a vulnerable position, over my lap with your bottom in the air, waiting for my attention. It is a powerful feeling.
I like the feeling of your flesh when I smack my hand into it. Your bottom gives way a little, and it feels warm and firm. I like the middle, where your cheeks separate, even when you have your undies still up. It is a good place to use for leverage when I grip one entire cheek.
When your shorts come down and I am spanking and massaging and caressing your bare bottom cheeks, it is a huge turn on. Yes, this part is sexually exciting, how could it not be? Turning your bottom pink with my hand, smacking your bottom flesh harder. It is intoxicating to spank you like that.
I love coming down on your bottom from above and eliciting those verbal responses from you. I like the fact that when I am above you I can smack you harder. I like your "oh", "ow", "my poor bottom" cries. I know that you want me to be turned on by spanking you, but the feelings change when I spank you hard, from sexual excitement to something else.... let me try to explain.
When I spank you hard, you clench your bottom together and try to lock me out. I have to tell you to relax your legs and pull them apart again. When I did that this time, I started to get apprehensive when it sounded, in your voice, like it really hurt. I almost felt I was doing something wrong.
The punishing part feels more therapeutic to me than sexual. Doc, it is so marvelous to do this to you. Hearing you cry out that your bottom hurts, hearing the ows, feeling and seeing you struggle, it was soooooo much fun!
By the time we started setting up the wedge for your punishment, I was feeling very powerful and very excited to really get a reaction out of you.
That thin lathe paddle, I like that a lot because I can apply it to the inner bottom cheek surfaces when I am trying to hurt you there. It did hurt you too, I could see that and hear that, yummmmm.
I felt comfortable by the time I started using the tawse on you. You were letting out howls of uncomfortable pain, but you didn't seem to be in torment, which was good for me at the time. Tawsing you was awesome, very exciting! I was trying to find a good target, trying to control where the tail licked you. I tried to get it right in the middle of your ass, near the crack. After a minute of hearing your ows and the growing desperation of your ows and seeing your bottom turning really red and almost ashen in some places. I started swinging the tawse back and forth, standing behind you, backhand then forehand, etc......
I started feeling as if I didn't know how much I was hurting you, as if I didn't have full control of myself. I stopped.
As I was untying you and I saw how battered your bottom looked and remembered how little control I felt a minute earlier, I felt very emotional about damaging you. I felt like crying, in fact, I think I almost began crying. You could see I was getting upset and sat me down to talk to me. I was okay, just shaken, and I felt better after we talked . It was an emotional experience punishing you.
I want to do it again. This time you were coaching me with suggestions about what you wanted (which you put in terms of what I should do!). The next time I spank you, I will be in charge, I don’t need any more training, I can take it from here. I know what I want to do to you. I want to use the sorority paddle on you very hard and I want to use the red spoon on your tender inner cheeks that are so sexy and inviting.
That said, spanking you is fun, but it will never be my main thing. The ultimate experience for me is still getting spanked. But spanking you is wonderful and I enjoy it beyond words. It adds another layer of depth and another dimension to our journey, to the time we spend together.
Steph